Chapter 7: I Became A Monster

So, where were we?

My mother and I had just moved states after I was severely bullied for years (Chapter 4). I was officially enrolled in the 8th grade and I felt like I was starting life with a clean slate. I will say, before we moved I did make a few friends. They liked to steal, break into old buildings, and hang out with older boys who we thought were so cool, smoke cigarettes, and be mischievous. When I was 11 years old my 15 year old boyfriend taught me how to smoke, so I fit right in with my new friends. I stole a few cars, snuck into the movies, started drinking alcohol, and I became all kinds of bad.

The pent-up fear that I had been managing was turning into anger and I was slowly becoming a delinquent. Before I started my new school I thought about how I wanted the other kids to perceive me. I chose to be scary, intimidating, and fearless. No one would ever know that I was bullied because I was the bully. I wanted everyone to be afraid of me and they were.

Not surprising, but I failed 8th grade. All those years of fighting with my mother and watching T.V. was not helping me in school. School was challenging so I wouldn’t pay attention, plus I was worried about going home to my crazy mother and who was going to be my friend. I didn’t care about school and school didn’t care about me—It was a mutual relationship.

I went to summer school, but it would not prepare me for high school. I was angry because of the issues with my mother, I was angry because I couldn’t understand the materials in school, and I was taking all my anger out through bullying. I was becoming a monster.

A lot has happened to me, but I have also hurt a lot of people in the process of navigating my life. These transition chapters give a little bit more context to what was going on in my life. Warning… in my upcoming chapters. My story is only getting started.

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