Chapter 5: Stuffed With Pills

I was my mothers scapegoat. It was easier to blame me then to take any responsibility for all the troubles in her life:

Lived in poverty. No job. Mental health issues. Drank and smoked. Shut out her family. And-on-and-on.

My mother has Bipolar disorder and has been heavily medicated almost her entire life. As young as I can remember she also had me taking pills for Bipolar disorder. For the first few years I never saw a doctor, she diagnosed me herself. I am telling you, those pills messed me up, in fact I think they gave me Bipolar. I say that because when I went into foster care (Chapter still to come) and I wasn’t forced to take those medications anymore I was a completely different person.

Yes, forced. It didn’t take me long to realize that my mother was giving me half of her prescribed medications when I was 8 or 9. When I became a teen she was able to get a doctor to prescribe me my own. That woman had me on every single depression medication that had ever been invented. I call my mom the master manipulator for lots of reasons, but she would do anything to keep me on those pills. Any chance I could get a hold of the pill bottles I would throw them down the toilet. When I was a teenager I found out she would slip it into my food and chocolate milk. She would buy me a gallon of chocolate milk and would put a bunch of medication in it… great idea. I was taking unequal and irregular dosages of depression medication which made me absolutely out of control.

It gets worse, when I was 14 she called my job and told them that I was not mentally stable enough to have a job, so they FIRED me. She took privileges, friends, and just about anything away from me to get me to take those pills.

Putting me on medication that I didn’t need for years damaged me. I remember when I was younger I would slam my head against the wall because the medication was so powerful it made me hallucinate. It messed with my memory and my health overall.


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19 thoughts on “Chapter 5: Stuffed With Pills

  1. I’m just curious about this…Do you know why she did that? My guess is so that you would appear different from others your age and then she could blame you for the problems in her life…just a guess though. It sounds like she was very irrational and irrational people often don’t have a reason for what they do. Thanks for sharing this. I know this has sadly happened to other people.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think that I was displaying some minor behavioral issues and she simply thought meds would help. I also think it is a little of what you said, she was irrational. She drank a lot(on pills), was mentally ill, and she didn’t work—combined I think these things made her act irrational.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. A similar think happened to me when I was in elementary school. I have a form of autism like Asperger’s Syndrome, but when I was growing up, nobody knew about things like that. Someone gave me their meds (or whatever) to either “fix” me or convince everyone that I needed to be locked up in an institution. So I can relate to this. I really can. I thought maybe I was the only one…but your post brought a little healing into my life today. Thank you so much for telling your story.

        Liked by 3 people

      2. I actually have a few friends with autism. When I went to community college I noticed someone was bullying him, so I intervened, and him and I have been friends ever since. He actually had the opposite where his family thought he could just stop being autistic, which made things hard for him. Also, I met another girl with autism and her mother was forcing her to do all kinds of tests weekly and take medication, she told me how unhappy it made her. I am glad my stories can offer you some comfort, and thank you for sharing back with me.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Wait what am I reading? I thought I had read and seen the worse of these child abuse stories, oh no no no no oh my is the any amount of sorry saying that can erase all this? Thanks you found my blog and this leads me to yours. I hope you find it in you to keep trying to heal and deal: deal and heal

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Marie. Know I have had a lot of dealing and healing to be able to share my story. Now that I am in a good place and can help others. It is people like you that make this worth it.


  3. This is just so hear to hear. Oh Lord! Going through those tribulations at such a young age. But you know what, here you are now, writing your story for someone to benefit from. You are a survivor ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m sorry to hear this, but we can have a wonderful future despite a horrible past. I hope in time youcan forgive your mother but it doesn’t mean you have to forget. Forgiveness is more for you to move forward. My mother did give us pills, but she was physically and emotionally abusive. I forgave her, but my past will always be a part of me. But it will never define my future. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Cruelty in the human species knows no bounds. None at all. She could have done it simply because she was jealous of your life, your looks, your potential. It seems that people don’t even need to have a reason to be hateful and violent toward others, now days. I’m sorry for what you went through but you’re proof that torture can be overcome.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Blogging is quite a way to find some relief and for me, who had the epitome of a happy childhood, to read this is both an education and a horror. Another blogging friend, Lori Schaffer had similar issues with her mother and reading her memoire was harrowing. So good for you to find a way back to the surface and breathe. Thank you too for the follow. I hope some of the fluff I churn out will bring a smile or two…


  7. This is so unfortunate. I’m sorry that you had to endure such unfortunate circumstances. I’m glad that you are able to talk about it and see that you were not to blame. May God continue to heal and strengthen you from the inside out.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Just few thoughts. You are great because you wrote about. You survived. Trying to take care about the others. Plese, remember,sometimes the weakest in ‘human’ eyes are the greatest in Creator’ eyes.

    Liked by 1 person

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